The Battle

I've read Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind and I have to say my mind feels like there is a war going on!  Joyce talks in her book about how the devil attacks our thoughts, our mind and our self-talk in negative ways.  So many times I think, wow I'm following what God wants me to do and continues to show me that, then in an instant I can have a completely different thinking, "Tabitha, this is stupid you don't need to move or spend the money, etc.",  the list could go on and on.  It's a war zone in my mind.


You may be thinking, "Tabitha what in the world are you talking about?" I left New York feeling confident in what God wanted me to do, where He wanted me to be and felt His strong presence that I was going the right way.  I struggled the first week in New York. I was questioning God, questioning why I was there, doubting, worrying, daily anxiety, and any other feeling you can imagine.  I decided to STOP! I began praying every second--moment by moment asking Him to show me His work around me.  That's when the peace and calmness set in.  God is great!  At one point I thought, "I have no idea how I got into this school, it's top notch, high standards, SMART people, how did I get here?!"  By the grace of God is all I can say. As I was walking down the street with honking taxis, cars zooming by, people passing and thought, God is at work because I have no idea how someone can feel so peaceful in one of the busiest cities in the United States.  I felt at peace.  I think that's how you feel when you know you are doing what God wants.


Then I get back to Charlotte, I will use the phrase from Sweet Home Alabama; "This fits too." I get home and am so glad to be home. I've missed the suntan lotion, beach towels, Daniel, Trish, and my friends. I sighed a big breath of comfort when I landed.  A slower, less busy way of life. I think about all the things I could do here in Charlotte, the memories to make with friends, cooking (there won't be time or room for that in NYC), pool time, and I could go on and on.  I want this too.  My thinking is turning into a battlefield again. I want to stay, not go to school, be here.  But, then I think about the opportunity I have, the way God has been confirming the journey I've been on, the school I get to be in, the people I've already met there.  So, the war begins in my mind, again.


At least I can say I learned from a few weeks ago and am praying continuously and clinging to God.  The battlefield can really get to you. So, I"ll keep praying and let God do what I cannot.