letting it go...

Today didn't go as planned and almost like second nature I automatically flip out! Why, I have no idea and it's not like it was a big deal.  Anyway, after a frustrating morning/afternoon I should be cleaning up dishes from last night's cooking, cleaning my bathroom, finishing thank you notes, filling out health insurance papers, and the list could go on and on. Instead I'm putting my feet up and reading my book! I"m going to enjoy it and be thankful I can sit on the couch and read right now.  I"m gonna let the tasks of today just float away for a bit...and relax instead!

Enjoying the little things

Tonight I am sitting on the porch in my sweatpants with a glass of wine and some good music. I did a little reading, which was enjoyable but decided I haven't blogged in a VERY long time! The weather is wonderful out, enjoying each sip of wine and each page of my book.  These things somehow remind me to enjoy the little things.


Another enjoyable moment for me today was grocery shopping. I know, I know, must of us don't enjoy grocery shopping. I do enjoy it when I'm prepared which I was today. I got everything I wanted (well almost) for my budget and few dollars over for a special meal.  Most things were organic, which I was super pumped about! I felt some sort of weird joy out of this shopping experience! Ha!


I haven't blogged for a lot reasons that I may/may not share in a later post, but tonight I'm enjoying just sharing these little joys from my day, so maybe time with tabs will be more frequent, instead of sporadic. ;)


Enjoy little moments God gives us!  

Today I miss the subway, city streets, central park and the learning. 

I come from

I come from Ohio, where I was born and grew up in the country with cornfields and cows.


I come from Charlotte, where I'm making a home, filled with sunshine and loving people.


I come from my mom and dad who love me and support me.


I come from my sister Trisha, who is in my heart and a phone call away.


I come from friends who care, listen and support.


I come from a fiance, who loves me unconditionally.

I come from my grandma, who would rock me and sing me to sleep at night.


I come from kids who I teach, but teach me lots too.


I come from a God who is faithful and loving.


I come from experiences that have shaped who I am.

routines

Wow! I knew I worked well with a routine, but didn't realize it is incredibly hard for me to focus and get my life organized without one! 


I just started classes, moved to New York, found a part-time job, figuring out my living space, etc. and have no routine whatsoever right now.  I NEED a routine! Hopefully it comes quickly. It makes me think about our classrooms as teachers and how we teach and teach the routines of the day.  It can really cause some anxiety! 

Change..and not the coins you drop in your piggybank

Change.  It inevitably causes anxiety, worry, doubt, restlessness, and any of those other unstable feelings; at least for me. I don't deal well with it.  For all the change that has occurred and is about to, if it could be coins for me to drop into my piggy bank I'm pretty sure I'd feel secure in the money I was gaining. Too bad we can't collect coins for all the changes that happen in life right?


Even though I'm about to embark on an entirely huge change, it's also been a giant step of faith that I'm willing to take with God on my side.  Will it be hard? Yes.  Will it be scary? Yes.  Will I be exhausted? Yes.  Will I be lonely? Yes.  I can say all these feelings are guaranteed to appear.  But, all things worth doing are usually hard.  God's plans aren't always easy because He wants us to rely, depend and solely trust in Him.  Sometimes I think He calls us to these changes in our lives that will rock our boats to get our attention, to grow our faith, to glorify Him in some way.  When all this change is about to happen and those unsettling feelings arise in my mind and the pit of my stomach I remember that God has opened up these doors and He has a plan.  I've not done any of this on my own.


Change, little or big it causes us to grow in character, if you believe in God-your relationship with Him and your faith.  Just like we collect the change in our banks it's good, it grows. So, I will say even though it's bold change in our lives is good. It grows us.

The Battle

I've read Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind and I have to say my mind feels like there is a war going on!  Joyce talks in her book about how the devil attacks our thoughts, our mind and our self-talk in negative ways.  So many times I think, wow I'm following what God wants me to do and continues to show me that, then in an instant I can have a completely different thinking, "Tabitha, this is stupid you don't need to move or spend the money, etc.",  the list could go on and on.  It's a war zone in my mind.


You may be thinking, "Tabitha what in the world are you talking about?" I left New York feeling confident in what God wanted me to do, where He wanted me to be and felt His strong presence that I was going the right way.  I struggled the first week in New York. I was questioning God, questioning why I was there, doubting, worrying, daily anxiety, and any other feeling you can imagine.  I decided to STOP! I began praying every second--moment by moment asking Him to show me His work around me.  That's when the peace and calmness set in.  God is great!  At one point I thought, "I have no idea how I got into this school, it's top notch, high standards, SMART people, how did I get here?!"  By the grace of God is all I can say. As I was walking down the street with honking taxis, cars zooming by, people passing and thought, God is at work because I have no idea how someone can feel so peaceful in one of the busiest cities in the United States.  I felt at peace.  I think that's how you feel when you know you are doing what God wants.


Then I get back to Charlotte, I will use the phrase from Sweet Home Alabama; "This fits too." I get home and am so glad to be home. I've missed the suntan lotion, beach towels, Daniel, Trish, and my friends. I sighed a big breath of comfort when I landed.  A slower, less busy way of life. I think about all the things I could do here in Charlotte, the memories to make with friends, cooking (there won't be time or room for that in NYC), pool time, and I could go on and on.  I want this too.  My thinking is turning into a battlefield again. I want to stay, not go to school, be here.  But, then I think about the opportunity I have, the way God has been confirming the journey I've been on, the school I get to be in, the people I've already met there.  So, the war begins in my mind, again.


At least I can say I learned from a few weeks ago and am praying continuously and clinging to God.  The battlefield can really get to you. So, I"ll keep praying and let God do what I cannot.